packed tightly

stairwell accompaniment:Rilo Kiley

I carry with me stories of forgiveness and how much I've tried not to worry. I carry my worry. I carry my concern. I carry a green chipped painted canoe and a paddle. I carry dad's bike rides down the steep levy and learning the necessity of laughter. I carry my mother's curlingiron burns on my forehead. I carry with me the front steps of every home I've ever lived in-thinking for a moment this is it, this can be my home from here on out.
I carry with me my hiding. I carry games- sardines, heads up 7up, capture the flag. I carry with me the cheating and sneaking and secrets. I carry with me chapstick and powder and ink roller pens and a leaky water bottle. I carry with me my phone and all the phone numbers of those I call and those who don't call back.
I carry hair pins for the transition hair I have going on.
Now I carry with me every new fresh start. And every final drive away. I don't carry the worry of your departure. I don't carry your number anymore or your schedule in my mind. I carry the desire to go unnoticed and at the same time not be forgotten.
I carry the laughter. I carry Aslan and Sam I Am and Punky Brewster. I carry with me those wildcats who did it their own way. I carry the dream of you before I knew you and into the days to come.