rushing it

stairwell accompaniment:Over the Rhine- Films for Radio

I found a book of CDs from my teenage years. I was equally romanced by music in those days. I had rediscovered the sountrack that stirs memories long dismissed! Although the Amber I was in those years is vastly different in most ways from the Amber I have become (who I find myself becoming), I can feel the traces of my pastlife alive today! And although I have spent these critical years of growth morphing into what most would term "adult", I can't help but wish I was slightly more now of what I was then. A young girl so tangibly full of anticipation. So much discovering, becoming. Young years of living in hopeful, blissful expectation of a future worth dreaming of under sweeping night skies. Where has that fresh anticipation gone? Buried under these expectation (who sets them?), these obligations (i often invite these chains!), this world of being grown up-- calm, composed, organized, scheduled, important, and always, always confident (and expected to fake it if not). No! I will allow this music to remind me of that younger, freer, more optimistic, idealistic Amber. I don't want to be lost in the sea of adulthood where dreamers drown and anticipation is soaked in predictability.
My resolution of the day: Act my age.(I promise it's much younger than I feel!!)

Joy, you have pushed the door to this childlike amusement with life slightly farther open. And the countless times we are left wondering what it is we are so excited about(??), I savor the frenzy, the elation, the gusto and can't help but wonder why more of life isn't like this!? Let's take on this adult life with blissful expectancy and our elation will keep us looking for the good gifts He wants to give us! (i fear that if we aren't awaiting, we might be overlooking!) Cheers to the ingenuous!