stairwell accompaniment:Nick Drake

rush courageously.

And if it is rhetoric he parades in my weakness, what is that I clutch? These eloquent conversations that happen auspiciously in my head, in my thoughts, in that inner dialogue never voiced? (i'll never have)The perfect words at the perfect time in the perfect order with the perfect intent and perfect delivery with the perfect outcome? Unattainable. I am a horribly floppy aqua-thirsty fish out of her watery element without my physical communication skills to compliment. Disadvantage.

Today I need a today I love list:
-sleeping till the last possible minute. (mybedmybedmybed)
-when my face breaks out and keeps me humble. Hideous.
-AmyandChris hilarity on a massage table. magma.
-O'Soy yogurt.
-Ham and Carli and baby Ham.
-Relationship conversations with Carli and advice I trust.
-Forgetting to be excited about a wedding.
-My dog's incessant sniffing. And her midlife name change...smoochiepants.
-Feeling angry and hurt and unwanted and at least I know I'm feeling.
-voicemail.

song associations chapter one:
Chasing Furies-Thicker: The summer before my senior year in highschool I took a pottery class at a small art center. I wanted to learn how to throw on the wheel. I did. The tiny, eclectic class was lead by an extraordinary eclectic lady who allowed us artistic messyfreedom. I learned much about art, patience, beauty, and much about my God sitting at that pottery wheel with Chasing Furies playing in my headphones.

Citizen Cope-Sideways: The first song I listened to in my Jetta. And the mind-blowing discovery... heated seats in winter!!

Coldplay-See you soon: An autumn drive I made to Virginia Beach to stand on the windy, cold oceanside and sleep with the window open.

Damien Rice-I remember: The autumn and the first time I met Mr. Hairy on the stairsteps of Tecumseh Ave. and how first impressions can be awfully wrong. Allan and I went to see Damien Rice in Cincy last spring and it was the most soulful show I've attended. Ireland!! (Damien Rice will always have more than one association!)

Dave Matthews-#41: Visiting Amanda in St. Louis for the first time and realizing slowly, painfully that I was losing a part of my life I cherished.

Dispatch-Open Up: Was playing when Joy gave in. and kissed...me.

Guster-(Nothing But)Flowers: 13 hour drive to CT with Mattlevi on the first leg of our US/European tour that (by way of NYC, London, Ireland, Brussels, Venlo, DenHaag, Amsterdam, London, NYC, CT) brought us right back to a 13 hour drive home.

Howie Day-She Says: Solo trip to Garden of the Gods. Freedom! Independence! Beauty! A rental car with a sunroof on the most perfectly sunny day of my life.

Lauryn Hill-Adam lives in theory: Our first apartment on the river downtown. So ghetto that we didn't know--or didn't care because life was grand.

Over the Rhine-Spark: Huster. I don't even know why.

Radiohead-No Surprises: 3 hour road trip for an outside live show that was more than worth the 4am arrival home. Dave, Allan, Jareck and techno crazygoodness.

The Shins-Kissing the Lipless: Fall 2004 exploring my world with Cat in hand. A similar soul unmatched.

Turin Brakes-Stones Throw: Walking around some indescript Mexican city dry-teared and alone. Cursing every thing that begins with the letters M..E...X...

Ok, yeah, so I probably lost most of you on those. Sorry. Humor me. Want to learn more about me? Play my music and ask what it makes me think of...

rushing courageously looks ridiculous and painful at this point. there's not exactly an alternative for two as stubborn. so rush through the pain, embracing the ridiculousness and always courageously.

And yes, tomorrow we will wear camo and flashlight hike to our hearts content.